Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A Dating Guide for Charming Young Ladies and Courteous Gentlemen of the Vegan Persuasion

A Dating Guide for Charming Young Ladies and Courteous Gentlemen of the Vegan Persuasion

1. If your date snubs your new cashew cheese recipe, don’t take it to heart. Give it another chance. Perhaps try a macadamia nut cheese next time.

2. Nobody likes a snoop, but the savvy vegan knows how to scope out a new sweetheart’s kitchen for illicit animal products in an efficient minute or two. Be quick, smart and stealthy and you should have your answer without anyone being the wiser.

3. Try to start out on the right foot with your darling’s family. Shouting “Meat is murder!” at your first dinner out with them may make for an awkward meal. Wait until you’ve signed them up for a 30-day vegan pledge before you introduce more polemic concepts.

Remember that the small niceties can make a big difference. For example, instead of referring to your not-yet-vegan beau as a “corpse-muncher,” why not use a term that is less provocative, such as “flesh-eater” or “dairy guzzler”?

5. Nobody likes a mooch. When dining out, today’s young woman pays for her own meal and slips in a vegan brochure from her personal stash in with the check.

6. Proper ladies do not like men who are pushy and demanding. Wait until at least the third date before you ask her to host a screening of Earthlings for her co-workers.

7. No matter how modern she is, most young ladies still prefer a paramour with good manners. Remember, it’s the small things that can make the biggest impressions, such as holding the freezer door for her as she peruses the items.

8. Young ladies and gentlemen who are lax in their personal grooming make a poor first (and second!) impression. Make sure that your vegan propaganda shirts are freshly laundered and your cruelty-free nail polish is not chipped. Nobody likes to have a disheveled darling!

9. Chatty Cathys and Jabbering Jakes who domineer every conversation can be annoying to be around. Popular vegans know the importance of being good conversationalists. Making every conversation about veganism might be off-putting to your date. Try other topics! You can also talk about vivisection, animals in entertainment, the fur industry, and how much you hate Ted Nugent.

10. It’s always important to be prompt and considerate. If you are running late to pick up your date because the KFC protest went worse than expected and you found yourself cooling your heels in jail, don’t overwhelm her with a phone call from jail. Have a friend call her instead.


  1. #9 - LOL! But EVERYONE loves my cashew cheese!

  2. I bet, Rebecca. I rock the cashew cheese, too. :D

  3. I didn't know there was an un-delicious cashew cheese. Where have I been?
    I love #5 - Good idea! ;)
    And I take better care of my vegan propaganda shirts than anything else in my wardrobe!
    Very clever - :)

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