Wednesday, December 6, 2017

First I ruined Thanksgiving...


First, an introduction. I am the one who created the infamous Brussels Sprouts Sliders. Did you think I would stop at ruining Thanksgiving with my green buns of tiny cabbages forged on corner of I-HATE-AMERICA and Bitter Feminist Witchery? Please. I believe in being straightforward so I will tell you that it's not over, not by a long shot. I am now coming for your:


Pottery Barns
Classic rock
Hackneyed GIFs
Pumpkin spice
Neutral tones
Will Farrell movies
Bacon - well, all meat but especially bacon
iPhone filters
Inspo Pinterest boards
Racist assholes
Coffee foam
Sports bars
Personalized Starbucks drinks
Cheesecake Factories
Non-vegan brunches
Gender reveal parties
American Apparel
Bath bombs
Foam fingers
Victoria’s Secret two-for-one coupons
Favorite episodes of "Seinfeld," "Friends" and "Entourage"
George Clooney movies
"Legally Blonde," "Mean Girls," "Office Space" and "Anchorman" quotes – memes, too.
Man buns
The word “bro”
Bro culture – oh, dudes, I'm going hard against that
Fitness trackers
Matt Lauers

Abercrombie and Fitch
Your stupid Chipotle “secret” menu

You can see the coverage at Eater, People Magazine, Buzzfeed, Refinery 29, Food52 (award for most pretentious article), Country Living, PopSugar, Bravo TV (et tu, Bravo?), LA Times, Daily Mail, The Kitchn, Grub Street, Daily Break, AMNY, Fox News, Today.

The Brussels Sprouts Sliders were just my opening salvo. Feeling anxious yet? You should be.

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