“Turkey Talk-line. This is Lucy. How may I help you?”
“Oh, hi, Lucy. This is Butterball hotline, right?”
“Yes. How may I help you?”
“So my understanding is that you help people with questions they have about turkeys?”
“That is what we do. Do you have a question, ma’am?”
“Well, yes, I do. I was wondering...I’m afraid that this is going to sound strange.”
(Laughs.) “Go ahead. You’d be surprised. I get lots of questions.”
“I’m sure you do. This is it: I was wondering how the turkeys lived.”
“I’m sorry -- how they lived?”
“Yes, I mean, what kind of lives they lived.”
“The turkeys?”
“Yes, the turkeys. This is the turkey hotline, right?”
“I’m sorry. Your question? I - I’m not sure -?”
“See, I’m wondering what kind of lives the Butterball turkeys have? Had. You know? What were their lives like?”
“I still am not understanding...”
“I mean, the quality of their lives, the turkey’s lives.”
(Pause, throat clearing...) “Well, I think they were good lives.”
“Oh, that’s nice to hear but by ‘good lives’, what do you mean?”
“Well, I do know that Butterball maintains the highest standards of care for our birds. We don’t tolerate anything less than the best care for our turkeys.”
“See, I am just wondering about that.”
“Ma’am?”
“Like how is that possible that they have good lives?”
“Um...”
“I just read that people in the United States eat
46 million turkeys every year for Thanksgiving. Forty-six million and that’s just Thanksgiving. Butterball is pretty much synonymous with the Thanksgiving turkey so I thought you’d be the ones to ask. How can the turkeys be treated with the ‘highest standards of care’ given everything?”
“Ma’am, you are aware that this is a
cooking help line, right? You might be better served by our media department. Let me transfer -”
“No, wait. I’m not from the media. I don’t want to talk to a public relations person. On your website it says, and I quote, ‘Ready and waiting, our Turkey Talk-Line experts can answer all your turkey questions - no matter how challenging.’ I don’t think I’m in the wrong place.”
“Okay.”
“So my question is how could they have lived good lives?”
“I don’t -”
“This might fall under the category of ‘challenging’ but I have been assured that you can answer my questions.”
“Well, I know that they have good lives because I know that the standards of care are the best for Butterball birds.”
“But, see, that is what I am not understanding. How can that many turkeys be raised and slaughtered without cruelty? Do the turkeys just sort of die on their own time? I don’t think so. And then Butterball processes the corpses and people eat them, which, well, gross but...”
Silence.
“I know that they get their throats slit when they’re slaughtered and that can’t exactly be gentle. And before that, the babies are separated from their mothers, they’re crammed together, they get their beaks cut, they’re artificially inseminated -”
“Ma’am, this topic doesn’t fall within my area of expertise.”
“Here’s the thing, though: I’ve met turkeys before. They are really cool birds. And on the Butterball website, again, it says that you can answer ALL turkey questions - no matter -”
“I know what it says.”
“ - how challenging. Anyway, I’ve met turkeys at sanctuaries before, and they will walk right up to you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, I know! If you sit on the ground, they will walk right up to you and look you in the eye. They seem to have a lot of curiosity. Really friendly, too. They like to be petted.”
“I did not know that.”
“And, so, it’s understandable that it makes me pretty sad what we do to them and all the other animals.”
“I’m really not sure what to say. Did you have a question? I mean, one that I can answer?”
“I’m just wondering if it feels all right to you to eat turkeys knowing what we know about them. Does that seem fair?”
“These are
turkeys we’re talking about. Simple creatures.”
“But even if they were, which I don’t believe is true, does that make our treatment of them justifiable?”
“I am still not sure why I am the one you want to talk to about this. I can tell you about basting, about cooking temperatures, food safety -”
“You know, for our Thanksgiving, we can chop and chop and chop and not worry about cross contamination. Isn’t that cool?”
“ - but I am really going to have to go so I can answer others‘ calls.”
“Okay, I am sorry for taking up your time. You know something so coincidental, though?”
“What’s that?”
“I’m looking at this website for a sanctuary and they have a turkey I can sponsor named Lucy. That’s your name, too, right? Isn’t that a funny coincidence?”
(Pause.) “It is. But Lucy is kind of a common name.”
“Well, yes, but I still think it’s an interesting coincidence. You know what I am going to do? I’m going to sponsor Lucy the turkey.”
“Oh!”
“She’s so cute. It says that she was rescued after falling off a transport truck and that she loves cranberries and scratches on the back.”
“That’s funny. I love cranberries and back scratches, too.”
“Small world. So I just want you to remember that there is a beautiful turkey named Lucy out there and she is one of the few lucky ones. No one will hurt her.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Lucy will get to live out her life with people who love her and care about her. She’ll get to eat cranberries and get all the back scratches she wants. She gets to enjoy the dirt and the sunshine.”
“I’m not sure what to say. I’m very happy to hear that.”
“Well, I hope you have a great day, Lucy.”
“You, too. Happy Thanksgiving. Oh, wait -"
"Yes?"
"What was the name of that sanctuary? I think I want to sponsor Lucy, too.”
