Because our love for nutritional yeast and high-speed blenders is not the only things that sets us apart from society, here are ten emotional states that are distinctly vegan.
1. When you’re in the vegan protein and cheese section of the grocery store and someone else is also looking and you want to say something because you feel like you might be in a tribe together but you’re not sure so you just kind of stand there with a grin on your face that could be interpreted as being friendly or but it’s most likely, you know, not, so you feel creepy.
2. When you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store behind someone who is putting all these vegan items on the belt and you feel happy and you’re ready to say something to acknowledge it and invite her to a vegan potluck and to being your friend on Facebook and godparent to your dog and then she pulls out a carton of eggs and you’re sent spiraling into a crushing, existential gloom that feels kind of like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on. Or maybe it’s just me.
3. When you bring a vegan dish to your office party or family gathering and you’re hovering near it waiting for people to try it and you realize that you’re being weird so you try to walk away and distract yourself but every time someone goes near the food you brought, you get all weird again.
4. When you’re reading a list of ingredients on a new food product and it looks good and you’re getting more and more hopeful and you’re about to take a picture so you can brag about your discovery on Facebook and then you notice that the last ingredient listed is butter oil or some such.
5. Whenever a celebrity claims to be vegan.
6. Whenever that celebrity quits being vegan.
8. When the only food you can eat at a party is the food you brought and your scarcity issues kick in like whoa.
9. When someone says, “You know, ‘vegetarian’ is an Indian word for ‘bad hunter,’” or something similar to you and you have to walk that tightrope between being an easygoing vegan or a humorless scold in the public eye.
10. When you are trying to figure out if something on the menu is vegan and your server keeps trying to point you to gluten-free items.
What other distinctly vegan emotional states can you identify?