Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Ten Emotional States that Are a Distinctly Vegan Experience: A Pictorial Guide



Because our love for nutritional yeast and high-speed blenders is not the only things that sets us apart from society, here are ten emotional states that are distinctly vegan.


1. When you’re in the vegan protein and cheese section of the grocery store and someone else is also looking and you want to say something because you feel like you might be in a tribe together but you’re not sure so you just kind of stand there with a grin on your face that could be interpreted as being friendly or but it’s most likely, you know, not, so you feel creepy.
 



2. When you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store behind someone who is putting all these vegan items on the belt and you feel happy and you’re ready to say something to acknowledge it and invite her to a vegan potluck and to being your friend on Facebook and godparent to your dog and then she pulls out a carton of eggs and you’re sent spiraling into a crushing, existential gloom that feels kind of like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on. Or maybe it’s just me.


3. When you bring a vegan dish to your office party or family gathering and you’re hovering near it waiting for people to try it and you realize that you’re being weird so you try to walk away and distract yourself but every time someone goes near the food you brought, you get all weird again.






4. When you’re reading a list of ingredients on a new food product and it looks good and you’re getting more and more hopeful and you’re about to take a picture so you can brag about your discovery on Facebook and then you notice that the last ingredient listed is butter oil or some such.




5. Whenever a celebrity claims to be vegan. 





6. Whenever that celebrity quits being vegan.







7. Whenever you get a notification that your obnoxious paleo cousin has commented on a vegan link you shared.




8. When the only food you can eat at a party is the food you brought and your scarcity issues kick in like whoa.




9. When someone says, “You know, ‘vegetarian’ is an Indian word for ‘bad hunter,’” or something similar to you and you have to walk that tightrope between being an easygoing vegan or a humorless scold in the public eye.




10. When you are trying to figure out if something on the menu is vegan and your server keeps trying to point you to gluten-free items.

What other distinctly vegan emotional states can you identify?

11 comments:

Fly Right said...

The overwhelmed face you get when you are actually looking at a completely vegan menu.

Anonymous said...

When you wanna say more about veganism to someone and you are getting prepared with your ''guns'' to proove their lies wrong. But the person actually says ok tell me more and what about this and that? :v

HungryVegetable Weeb said...

When they ask where you get your protein and then ignore the answer so they can ask again later.
When, if something of a debate breaks out and you say something they have no real response to, they just say "bacon" as if it were an argument.
When you live with them and see they eat meat in every meal but they clearly feel a little guilty and feel the need to point out that they don't eat much meat.
When it's new to those around you and they keep calling it weird vegan food.
When they ask how many vitamins you have to take even though they are, statistically, likely deprived of some nutrient or another because they only think about vitamins when talking to vegans.
When you quit animal products cold...er, turkey, and you live through the gassiest weeks of your life.
When they won't stop asking why.
When you get praised and feel awkward.
When they say they quit meat for a day and got sick.

Kale said...

Validation about 'Being a Man' (or woman)from Personal sacrifice for greater good of humanity (environmental sustability)

When hearing the words 'climate change, poverty & antibiotic resistance' they do not seem daunting but easily over comeable.

Being 'at peace' or one with nature, like we'll meaning siblings.

Generally enlightened.

pitbull friend said...

When possibly the unhealthiest person you know tells you that being vegan is silly because we were meant to be carnivores and points at his teeth, as if our big, flat, grinding molars were meant for ripping raw flesh, but you can't really get into it with him because you have to work together.

When you hear of a wonderful new vegan product coming out, and the advertising copy practically makes you drool, and then you see that it won't be available in your area for a long, long time.

Anonymous said...

Totally this ^^^!

Anonymous said...

When they look at you saying that can't be healthy for you when you drop six inches on your waistline and are redeveloping a six pack you haven't seen in 20 years

When they have a cousin/uncle/old friend who "tried vegan" and almost died

Marla said...

Thanks, Fly Right! I should have thought of my positive emotions like that one. :)

Marla said...

Sooooooo many, HungryVegetable Weeb!

Marla said...

Ugh, very familiar with both, Pitbull Friend!

Laloofah said...

Best response I've seen to "Vegetarian is an old Indian word for 'Bad Hunter'" is "Meat-Eater is an old Indian term for 'Bad Gardener.'" 😏