Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Thanksgiving When Vegans (Almost) Rule the World



It’s that time of year again. Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family, abundance and giving thanks for the harvest and yet a certain fringe group of people insist upon making it all about themselves and their own selfish agenda year after year. They practically ruin the holiday, too, with the rest of us having to be careful to not upset them.  

I’m talking about the omnivores, of course.

Once again, they will show up at your beautiful vegan Thanksgiving meal and expect to be fed. They are so presumptuous, too: it’s as though they expect their hosts to bend over backwards, catering to their unreasonable, finicky and downright bizarre dietary whims. Most of what they eat seems to be the stuff of fiction. I can’t even keep up with what they do or do not consider edible. Pigs? Cows? Chickens? Lizards? Cardinals? I have no idea. So many weird things that they eat, such peculiar habits they maintain. Omnivorism is like a cult. It’s as if they’ll eat anything.

They will show up, too, because inevitably your niece or your neighbor or your son will know an omnivore who is all alone on Thanksgiving and you will open your home to him or her because you are a generous person. It’s always a disaster, though. The omnivores are so conspicuous whether they try to draw attention to themselves or not, making everyone uncomfortable with their mere presence. We just want to enjoy our delicious meal in peace and yet there they will be, reminding us of all those unappetizing things that we don’t want to think about, especially at Thanksgiving.

Can’t they just give it up? Gah! So strident.

No, instead of being like everyone else, they’ve got to make it all about them and their extreme lifestyle. I swear, half of them do it just to get attention. To keep the peace, though, we have to just deal with it. What upsets me, though, is that the omnivores act like their weird habits are more important than my traditions. Having a vegan Thanksgiving is a beloved custom of mine. I really don’t care if honoring my family’s traditions is offensive to others but they insist that their ridiculous habits also be respected. Isn’t that unreasonable? And they seem to want the rest of us to feel guilty that they’re in the minority. How is that my problem? Next thing you know, they’re going to want their own Thanksgiving parade or something because la dee dah, they are just so special and unique.

My advice to you? Just ignore them. Let them keep living in their little fantasy world. If they try to engage you in a debate, change the subject. It’s their fault that they have chosen to be so removed from reality but you still don’t want their bizarre lifestyle to take over your lovely event. Take control. Smile and ask them to please pass the sweet potatoes.

You don’t deserve to have your holiday ruined because of an omnivore at your Thanksgiving table. Enough is enough. 

13 comments:

Vanilla Rose said...

Indeed, there is no rationale to what they do, or do not, consider edible.

cibo matto said...

haha. thank you! yes! enough is enough! ^_^

Diandra said...

This *is funny*, but just a thought... vegetarians and vegans, when invited, most often get an extra "no animal" dish. Wouldn't it be polite to provide a meat option in case one happens to invite omnivores?

Anonymous said...

No, I can't say I'd jettison my moral convictions for the sake of being polite. In any case, surely an omnivore, more or less by definition, is able to eat a vegan meal, so why should there be any need to additionally serve the body parts of a (formerly) living being?

organicgoddess said...

Brilliant! Omnis act as if they will die of starvation if they are denied meat at one meal. I just try to make sure my vegan dinners are so outstanding and delicious and filling that no one will even notice that they're vegan. They're just really, really good.

Fireweed said...

So, so tasty! Bon appetit:) x0

proud womon said...

wonderful as always Marla...

Diandra, anyone can eat at a vegan table, no-one is excluded... vegans and vegetarians don't "often get an extra "no animal" dish" - that so-called 'extra' dish is usually the only one they can partake of...

Marla said...

Hee, Vanilla Rose! You always make me smile.

Marla said...

Thanks, Cibo Matto!

Marla said...

That is true, Diandra, and I thought about that but at my Thanksgiving meal, they would not have that option. :D

Marla said...

Very true, organic goddess! We must always do our best to impress with the food.

damsel.in.de.tech said...

Awesome. I'm bookmarking this for Christmas dinner. ;)

Anonymous said...

This is a joke, right? Someone please tell me this is a joke... no one could be this dumb. It reads like satire but... well I'm just going to hope it is satire.