I'm Not Not Murdering Anymore

Okay, please first read this if you are not familiar with it. Then you’ll know everything you need to know about my source of motivation. 

Please understand that I am not trying to claim here that meat-eaters are murderers. (I don’t believe that simply because murder has to have intentionality behind it and most people who eat meat don’t do it intending to inflict violence: they do it out of habit and preference.) The point of this post is to explore the fundamental vapidity of moral relativism - a New Age-ready form of reasoning that tells us that, basically, everything is equally good - and the dangers of using amorphous and self-serving “cravings” as our baseline for how we conduct ourselves. Using moral relativism and cravings as our compass, what is to stop us from doing virtually anything we want just because we want to do it? Isn’t this how narcissists behave? At the worst, what about sadistic psychopaths? I changed one detail about the post I linked to above and it illustrates not only the absurdity of using moral relativism and cravings as the main justifications for our behavior, but also reveals just how willing we are to accept the enslavement of other animals. One (murder) is unthinkable and ghastly and the other (eating and using animals to our ends) is perfectly reasonable. Why? 

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please enjoy...

Dear friends, 

I am no longer not murdering. 

While I am no longer not murdering, I still passionately believe in one’s right to not murder. I also believe, though, that murder can be done in a way that is personally honest and empowering. Not murdering is a wonderful way to live if you can do it. Your unique spirit is the only one that can decide if murdering is right for you or not. I am here to support you however you choose to live, either with or without murdering others. 

Some of you may be upset or offended by what I am about to share but I am no longer interested in living in the shadows, of hiding when I should be living my truth and showing up in the Now as who I am.

Some may be angered.

I am tired of the deception and hiding in the shadows, though. So I am coming to you now, with a guileless, open heart. After accepting my cravings, I am killing people once again but this time I have no shame about it. My body spoke to me and I took a leap of faith.

I finally listened. 

My Story

After a lifetime of killing people for kicks and grins, I realized that I just didn’t feel right about it anymore. It suddenly felt wrong. Innocent people deserved to live, right? Killing them was wrong, wasn’t it? This resonated with me, my values.

I wanted to do the right thing. I didn’t want to kill anymore. 

So I tried to live without murdering others and for the first few years, it felt damn good to live this way. I could do this, I told myself. I felt clean, light, re-invigorated, righteous. The few pounds I wanted to lose, too, they just melted off. 

I surrounded myself with other non-murderers. I read the books they recommended. I created my own path. I was thriving and I no longer felt the urge to stalk, kill and dance in anyone’s blood. I was a success story. 

I started a business where I consulted others on how they could limit murdering and eventually give it up entirely. I wrote books, was featured on Oprah. 

I was a true believer. I’d found my calling. It was in not murdering. 

The Uprising

As I said, not murdering felt good for a while. But then something shifted. 

I started fantasizing about punching people in the face. I ignored it, tried to push it down.  The more than I did that, though, the more the feelings rose to the top. 

Suddenly, I didn’t want to just punch anyone anymore. 

My friends who were still murderers would tell me stories about their exploits. I was horrified and disgusted but also, I was ashamed to admit, titillated. Would it be so bad if I just cut someone and ran away? If I just shot someone’s leg? 

I did that (in the shadows, fearful that my non-violent friends would see me) and for a while it kind of subdued the cravings but then one day, it just wasn’t enough. I knew the answer. My body was telling me but I was covering my ears. 

But I was a non-murderer. This felt right.

And yet...

Day and night, my body told me, KILL. I couldn’t silence it. 

I hid my secret cravings from myself, from my family and clients. My whole life and identity was wrapped around being a non-murderer. 

“Kill, Marla. Kill,” my body whispered at first, growing louder by the second. “This is your truth. Show up.” 

No! 

I immersed myself in Gandhi, in the great non-violence texts. I prayed. I meditated. I did colonics. I drank green juices. Meanwhile, the weight began piling on. 

Nothing worked. 

Finally, one night, I had my first kill. It was the first time in years. A wild-caught person; I’d done enough research to be assured that he’d had a good life up until that moment. 

And it felt sooooooo good. 

The Non-Murdering Ideal

I had finally given in to my cravings even though they conflicted with my self-image as a practitioner of non-murder. I noticed, too, that many of my clients were starting to come forward as people who still enjoyed indulging in the occasional murder. I was not alone. 

They believed in peace and non-violence. 

They cared about compassionate living. 

They wanted to feel self-acceptance despite their cravings.

They weren’t thriving as non-murderers, though. Despite the books, despite their ideals, their bodies were crying out for something and their bodies were being denied. 

They were ashamed. They felt like failures as non-murderers. 

Knowing how right and good it felt for me to be murdering again, I guardedly began coaching them to listen to that ancient echo in their soul that was unsatisfied from suppressing their craving to murder.

I told them that it was okay.

I listened. I accepted them without judgement. 

My clients began to relax. They no longer beat themselves up over their body’s innermost cravings. Once the veil of shame lifted, they were able to love and embrace themselves as a whole again. They were allowed to consciously murder again, no longer hiding in the shadows, and not worry about being “bad people” anymore. They felt lighter and more integrated immediately. Most lost weight. 

The Hardest Part

Even though many of my clients are humanitarians who are dedicated to human rights causes, it wasn’t that hard for them to start killing again. The hardest part for them was the shame. They weren’t living the “non-violence ideal.”

I felt their pain as I related to their struggles. 

And it made me guard the secret of my double-life more closely. 

I told no one of my cravings for stabbing, shooting, bludgeoning and choking. 

Even as I was helping my clients to embrace the perfection and wisdom of their murderous cravings, telling them that anything we want to do is beautiful simply because we want to do it, teaching them about self-acceptance and self-love even as they killed others...

...I was hiding my own truth. I was a murderer again, too. And I liked it. 

Coming Out of the Closet

Slowly, I began to see my cravings and practice of murder through a new lens. 

Killing wasn’t immoral or wrong. 

It just was. 

The sky is blue. My house has wood floors. My dog is a poodle. I am a killer. 

I am perfect as is. 

I came to see that there is no good or evil; our cravings are a gateway to our physical truth. Murderers, non-murderers: it is all inherently good.

Still, even knowing this, I was afraid of what my non-killing friends, followers and clients - what YOU - would think about this new me. I was afraid of losing the reputation and success I’d built for myself as a non-murderer. 

Would you be angry? Would you feel betrayed? 

Living in the shadows was wrecking my nerves and self-esteem. I was terrified of being “outed.” In truth, I was slowly being suffocated by the weight of my secret. 

Today is that Day

Today, I throw back the curtains. 

I am a murderer again. And I make no apologies. 

What I Believe

I believe that you can kill someone who doesn’t want to die and do it from a place of love and kindness. I believe that this can be done while still caring for and honoring your victim.

I believe that absolutist beliefs - like that killing others is wrong - are destroying us. 

I believe that you can love and care for people and still kill them. 

I believe that not honoring a craving is a form of violence against the self. 

I believe that not murdering is a wonderful, joyous and valid style of living for most people.

I believe that not murdering should be promoted as one path to peace and non-violence, among others. 

I believe that most people should be killing less and letting more people live if they wish to live. 

I believe that humans have murder as part of their history and denying this is not doing anyone any good. 

I believe that when we kill others, they should be people who were raised in comfortable, humane surroundings and free of antibiotics and growth hormones. 

And I believe in compassion and the innate kindness of people. By accepting and loving each other, we will find a place where those of us who choose to murder can do so without society’s finger-wagging. By doing so, we will be actively creating a world that has a new culture of shamelessness and beauty even with murdering others as a part of it. 

A culture and a world that is free of shame. 

I am still passionately dedicated to helping people find their true selves, whether they murder or don’t murder. There is a place for each of you, and this place is one of radical self-acceptance. 

Phew. 

Breathe. 

Don’t we all feel better now? I am cultivating a place where murder and non-violence can exist side-by-side without judgement. They are equally good. 

As always, contact me if you’d like to sign up for my free newsletters or to learn about my seminars, webinars, personal coaching sessions, celebrity cruises or to join me on an actual Murder Mystery Tour. 

With all my love, hope and gratitude,

Marla